life and death in the monastery

This blog has been neglected for too long.

I wish to express here my gratitude for the glimpses into the life of a monastic community that I have been privileged to experience here.  I have had much more interaction with the monastic community during this sabbatical than I did when I was here seven years ago.

In January Br. John hosted a concert/evening prayer event called "More Light".  He and I and my husband, John, along with two other monks, Frs. Aelred Senna and Michael Peterson, a couple of graduate students from the School of Theology, and another friend of Br. John's performed some music in a lovely chapel with beautiful accoustics.  We also had most of the group over for dinner before the concert for planning and rehearsal.  I met other young monks in the class I audited on Eucharistic Liturgy and Theology: Br. Brad, Br. Stephen, Br. Lou, Br. Benedict, and at least one more whose name I don't remember.  I met two more, Br. Lucien and Br. Isaiah, in the ecumenical and interfaith group that met for breakfast twice during our time here.  On the other end of the age spectrum are Frs. Killian, Wilfred and Luigi (90-something, 80-something and 75) who regularly attend the seminars and Friday evening dinners with the Collegeville Institute scholars.  Frs. Killian and Luigi invited John and I for dinner in the monastic dining hall one evening in February.  (They extended the same invitation to each of the other scholars on other evenings).  Over dinner we had a chance to talk to Br. Paul Jasmer, whom I have been told has a picture of Luther on the door of his cell.  After hearing my timid expressions of wanting to find a way to be both Presbyterian and Catholic, Br. Paul said "The only way I know how to be Christian is to be ecumenical."  He also asked for a copy of my talk.  One snowy day, Fr. Killian again invited a couple of the other scholars and myself who had trudged up to noon prayer in the snow to have lunch with the monks rather than walking back to our apartments.  That was shortly after Pope Francis had been elected, and Fr. Killian was beaming with hope for the church--especially the hope for greater collegiality signaled by the new pope's riding back from the conclave on the bus with the other bishops rather than in a limousine.

Then there are those whom I met in the process of entering the Catholic Church: I met with Fr. Killian for an hour on two different occasions, asking him my questions about the Catholic faith and issues of intercommunion.  I then approached Fr. Nathanael for pastoral advice.  Br. John and I met with Fr. Michael Kwatera to discuss liturgical logistics.  Then John and I had a private meeting with Abbot John Klassen, whose warmth, understanding, and exuberance may have been what closed the deal on my "conversion".  Then a couple of meetings with Fr. Joseph for more pastoral counseling.  Br. John Brudney prepared the script for the Easter Vigil and instructed me when to come up and where to stand.  Fr. Anthony found a way to work a prayer for the Presbyterian Church into the intercessory prayers, and also asked for a copy of my talk on dual belonging.  (I had met him seven years ago when I learned how to sing Gregorian chant in the schola that he directed).  I was also one of seven people selected to have my feet washed by the Abbot at the Holy Thursday celebration of the Lord's Supper.  This got John and I another invitation to dinner in the monastic dining room, while Br. John served tables.

Then there's Br. Walter who directs the Maple Syrup operations, and who also served as deacon when I was welcomed into the Catholic Church at the Easter vigil.

So I now see a lot of friendly, familiar faces when I join the monks for prayer 3-4 times a day. 

I have been a part of two monastic processions.  Last Sunday I was a lector, so I processed into mass behind the long train of monks, carrying the red book of the Gospels, feeling a tingle down my spine as I stepped up to place it on the altar. 

A week or so earlier, I followed the funeral procession for Br. Gregory from the funeral mass in the Abbey Church, out the back door of the monastery, through the private monastic gardens between the monastery and the lake shore, then a few hundred yards down a rural lane to the monastic cemetery.  The monks at the front of the procession were singing; Br. John was at the front of the procession, carrying a cross on a pole.  Earlier that day, after morning prayer, I had met Br. Gregory, in his black monk's robe and black shoes, lying in his open, varnished pine coffin in the church.  A few other monks stood around, speaking to and about him affectionately, referring to him as "Greggie", commenting about his shoes, his glasses.  Now I watched them lower him into the ground, as I had watched John's Aunt Dody lowered into the ground a month or so earlier.  The thought of myself one day being buried in the ground used to be unthinkable to me, but it is coming to seem more normal and acceptable to me.  At the funeral mass, Abbot John told stories about Br. Gregory's love of gardening, and how last fall, with ailing health, when he had been asked what he was going to plant in the spring he had said "me!".  As I walked back to campus after the burial, I heard a group of young monks walking behind me, sharing their thoughts about death, burial, cremation.

This afternoon I observed and participated for the first time in the sacrament of anointing the sick.  I had met Fr. Kevin Seasoltz during my previous sabbatical here, and had had a couple of significant conversations with him.  His article on open and closed communion had played a role in my faith journey and featured prominently in my talk on dual belonging.  I had hoped to interact with him when I arrived here in January, and had been dismayed to learn that the was dying of cancer.  I prayed for him often during my time here.  When the intercessory prayers called our attention to those who were sick, I thought of him.  He looked weak but alert this afternoon, lying in a hospital bed in the middle of the hallway of the monastic retirement center on the second floor of the quadrangle.  A few dozen monks and a handful of nurses were gathered around as Abbot John led the rite.  I watched as each monk filed past and laid their hands on Fr. Kevin's head.  Br. John motioned me that I could do the same, and I gently laid my hand on his bald head.  I felt undeservedly priviledged to be there, witnessing this intimate moment in community life.

in the wake of a week of prayer for christian unity

                                 http://paulcouturier.faithweb.com/pcbiography2.html











.

living stones

a stone mason's skill is defined by astute
perception of usefulness-
how will this stone fit amongst the other stones-
how will this part of the wall hold up-
is the wall straight-
given the stones how much integrity can i
build into this structure-

as we know now from modern physics
stones are alive
there is motion in the stones
on one hand it is super fast
on another it is deep and slow

is it right to say that a community
is built of such stones
as  Peter wrote about
Peter the rock
Petros

there needs be certainty
for community to thrive
someone needs to know that
this stone or that stone
will always be there
and the house will stand
in relationship to this consistency

a christian community has a sense
of the transcendence of such stones
stones die or crack or fall down
and they are still part of the wall
or the arch or they leave their imprint there
their lives are marked by eternal trajections
and thus when they pass into eternal life
they remain as stones in the
transcendent thinking of the community
still struggling still working to settle in
still nudged firmly together with the grout of prayer

the mason must think
must perceive the best possible fit
it's not going to be perfect as in brickwork
but with a feeling for gravity
with a perception of form
with a relational sense
this one will work   -   this one will not
this one will go better over here

the living stones can begin to settle in
the foundation stones will hold everything up
the practice of strengthening the wall
requires a healthy recollecton of the work of yesterday
and a constant mind toward the best possible wall
the best possible house
the best possible community

the stones live
they live with one another
they set with one another
in an eternal fashion
defying the pressures of time

although
walls neglected do break down
as we know
and the stones lie there in disarray
at a loss
almost yearning to return to the  order
the mason devised centuries ago

living stones are subject to both elegance
and disarray
the natural state being one of contingency

i seek to understand more
the way of living stones

new topics

enough of politics enough of the public surge
for vague ideals never fully realized and disappointng
all too often

i report i had a moment of mild conversation
with two adversaries who wished to show
they don't have ill-will toward me even knowing my harsh stance
i saw what was going on and remained silent the whole time
only interjecting a positive word when i had the chance

i wish to live in a quiet cave alone
with fresh water and quiet my only companions

my reward was a chat with the abbot
and a book that came to me in my mail box
a book always gives light to my day
i think books have magic in them
they are the most enchanting things
to recieve a book in the mail is like
being let in on a treasure by someone who really knows

it's buried right here
start digging

maybe wendell berry is right
if you're at home on your feet no matter where you stand
you'll be at home

this is why i wish to uphold the community insistence on books
there needs be books around
libraries are places of necessary enchantment
a community is not really a community
until it can boast a nice library

and a peculiar way of singing of course

i don't know you'd think there'd be an abundance of thoughts out there
regarding what makes the idea of community so endemic to the human project

but maybe most people just take it for granted

grace happens there
or
it very well should

tea and books
staples for any autumn day
community is always breaking down its own walls

thinking food
as well
i think it is important to know food

amen

jh

sociological delusions

it occurs to me now that the experience of cognitive distortion
is one a vast regularity
most people contend with some form of epistemological incongruity
almost every day
a perfectly comprehensible world which is more or less guaranteed
to work to our mutual benefit is not the disturbing undercurrent of reality
most everyone intuits

we know it's there we know we cannot escape it

this principle appears to manifest itself in individual and
communal way
there is a saying
man proposes god disposes

but i also have become aware recently of an event that
sits terrible heavy in my cognitive safe
and it occurs to me that the incomprehensible discord
existing in the political hashing out of the relations between church and state regarding marriage
is well-nigh beyond possible resolution

i am grateful thus that my thinking about how a community life
is related to the life of an individual has been opened up

cutting to  the chase
in a recent statewide ballot amendment
to the state constitution the proposal
as supported by the catholic hierarchy and
numerous other religious bodies
the amendment to define marriage in a traditional and natural way
was defeated

but was it?

and here's the problem...

in a widespread public vote is it gauranteed
that a numerical and statistical victory
one merely of numbers - constitutes an actual victory??

could it be and must it be possible to interpret the
demographic and geographic determinants of such a proposed victory

when one peruses the election results by county in minnesota
all 87 counties reporting 100%
one begins to realize that virtually all the counties
away from the urban centers
voted to clearly define the social institution of marriage
only 10 (?) counties had majorities which shot down the measure
almost 2% of the voting public failed to mark the dot for a vote either way
this brings the percentage differential to around 51% to 49%

thus 77 counties stood in strong solidarity with the archbishop of minneapolis/st paul

so while people in my very own community can walk around with smug attitudes of political supremacy they can only do so as far as i can tell as proponents of a vast delusion
which
given the topic at hand should be no big surprise

this points to a vast a terrible disconnect between urban living and rural living
and i find this disconnect rather disturbing
perhaps this explains why i have a propensity towards country music

i think the value of a community of knowing the values of a people who live off of the  land people who farm and work things out away from urban mayhem....we need to listen to these people more
the   am ha eretz  have keener insight and are colored richly with natural reference

even in the county where i live the vote for the archbishops' proposal
was 69% thus only a mere 29% of the local people where i live think that opening marriage
to boyboy girlgirl systems is an affair worthy of human consideration
and more than i live in minnesota
i live in stearns county
i do not live in the big cities nor do i want to live there

a proposal i reject completely
i am in fact insulted that it is even a proposal
and that humans are being forced to look at this
it's like looking at old porn or something
i want nothing of it i don't want to live around it i don't want it in my back yard
thank you very much

anyway
the community idea will live on somehow

i know in my disappointment
that truth is rarely evident
in the majority vote

pilgrim's prayer

or....  i have arrived nowhere


although i may have travelled all the roads,
crossed mountains and valleys from East to West,
if i have not discovered the freedom to be myself,

i have arrived nowhere

although
i may've shared all my possessions
with people of other languages and cultures;
made friends with Pilgrms of a thousand paths,
or shared alburgue with saints and princes,
if i am not capable of forgiving my neighbor tomorrow,

i have arrived nowhere.

although
i well may have carried my pack from beginning to end
and waited for every Pilgrim in need of encouragement,
or given my bed to one who arrived later than i,
given my bottle of water in exchange for nothing;
if upon returning to my home and work,
i am not able to create brotherhood
or to make happiness, peace and unity,

i have arrived nowhere.

although
i may've had food and water each day
and enjoyed a roof and shower every night;
or may have had my injuries well attended,
if i have not discovered in all that the love of God,

i have arrived nowhere.

although i may have seen all the monuments
and contemplated the best sunsets;
(observed,  if you will,  rainbows)
although i may have learned a greeting in every language,
if i have not discovered who is the author
of so much free beauty and so much peace,

i have arrived nowhere

if from today i do not continue walking on your path,
searching and living according to what i have learned:
if from today i do not see in every person,  friend or foe
a companion on the Camino;
if from today i cannot recognize God,
the God of Jesus of Nazareth
as the one God of my life,

i have arrived nowhere.


                                                                                Fraydino

vortexting

it is not often in a liturgical year when
a reading from the divine office
set as it is in a 2week or 4week cycle
coincides almost perfectly
in echoed harmony
the first reading at mass yesterday
nov 5
echoes in my reading of the glenstal
book of daily prayer for
tuesday lauds of week1
philippians 2:1-4

it being voting day i moved to think of
some inherent message in this coincidence of scripture

the system of american government is set up
supposedly
as a means for individual expression

community expression in politics begins to look
too much like power struggle i suppose
so the gist of things is
on voting day
you vote as an individual

so how does this settle with the clear admonition from st paul
to  "be of one mind"
how am i to contend with what appears to be inimical political positions
while living in a community

am i voting for individuals or am i voting
for the well-being of community
the one holy catholic and apostolic church

at some level a vote is a way of annihilating individuality
for one enters into a limited sphere of cognitive and rhetorical propositions
and will do so along with others who are being equally deceived into the presumptions
of individual conscience

"do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit"

is this a thought people have in mind when voting for national leadership
or local cultural atmosphere

it is difficult to subjugate ones sense of person for a greater good
especially when that greater good remains dubious in the mind of the voter

i have been asked by my bishop to vote in a certain way
and recognize the universal integrity of marriage and family
from a catholic social religious context
in a state constitutional amendment

i find i can do nothing else
i must vote because the bishop has asked
and i am willing to set aside any convictions i may maintain on a personal level
this is not hard for me to do
i find  i agree completely with the bishops' stance

i also have to vote with  the community of saints in mind
even if this puts me at odds with the explicit existential reality
of political temperaments in the actual community in which i live
but then again i must vote with those who aren't as aware of things catholic
as i am but may well one day be so
what is good for them
i must vote for the fallen and the lost

to love others as i would wish to be loved
as christ admonished in the gospel of yesterday or was it the day before
is easy for me in some ways
i wish the same sort of light the same sort of discipline the same sort of
challenge to live sacrificially
as i have accepted for myself
i did not buy into any offering of a  "this world"  freedom

striving to be of one mind is a challenge for us
we've been brainwashed into believing that we are in fact
autonomous

placing christ crucified as the judge of
differences of point of view
is a way to recognize our legacy

offer your life as christ would like it
as he showed us the way
not as would make your personal life more fulfilling

vote sacrificially

try that

the demands of the community are much more important
than the intellectual achievement of any one person
and the community is always larger than we perceive

before embarking on the journey today
the journey that takes me to the voting boothe and back

i wish to quote from Romano Guardini's text
THE SPIRIT OF THE LITURGY

..."the church is self -contained, a structure-system
of intricate and invisible vital principles,  of means and ends,
of activity and production,  of people,  organizations,  and laws.

it does consist of the faithful, then;
but it is more than a mere body of these,
passively held together by a system of similar convictions
and regulations.

the faithful are actively united by a vital and fundamental principle
common to them all.

that principle is Christ Himself;
His life is ours; 
we are incorporated in Him;
we are His body,  Corpus Christi Mysticum.

the active force which governs this living unity,
grafting the individual on to it,
granting him a share in its fellowship
and preserving this right for him,
is the HOLY GHOST.  (SPIRIT)

every individual Catholic is a cell
of this living organism or
a member of this body. "