Saturday, October 29, 2011

community happens

i had an experience of community last night
a sort of reunion of members of a christian discussion group
one of our members
who is now a missionary
was in town for a couple of weeks
which precipitated the reunion

in our discussion after dinner
she asked us each to respond to the question
what has been the biggest change in your life
in the past year?

it was interesting to hear the responses
both from people i have not seen
in quite some time
and from those with whom i have been
in more frequent contact
but with whom i have not had
opportunity to share deeply

i felt very encouraged
by these fellow pilgrims
by the ones who had passionate vision
and by the ones struggling to hear
what God is saying

i shared
or tried to share
regarding the current
that seems to be tugging me
toward Catholicism

i found myself struggling for words
unable to explain it
even now
i am not really able
to explain it to myself

even as i come across things
in the Catholic church
that i think
well yeah
maybe i do have
a protest against this
the current is still there
dragging me farther in
toward what feels like the center

i don't understand it


ironically
i think i felt most encouraged
but the group member whose journey
is most opposite to mine

michael
who for as long as i have known him
has been a very actively involved
lay leader within the local baptist church
announced that he stopped attending church
a few months ago
and has a desire to plant a church

he spoke of some book
by george barna which indicates that
there is no correlation between
a person's level of commitment to christ
and church attendance
and that in fact many of the most
committed christians
are outside of the church

so here i am
on this path toward
trying to unite myself
as much as possible
to the church
to the whole church
even with all her
present imperfections

and here he is
passionately moving
away from the church
in search of a more
authentic life with God

yet he doesn't want to be a loner
or a hermit
no his is not the contemplative nature
he wants community
he is passionate about community
he wants authentic christian community

and that inspires me

i suppose he is
the quintessential protestant
he wants to start over
to create a new church
and to get it right this time

(how many times
has that happened
in protestant history?)

yet i was encouraged
by his passion and vision

i wonder how we keep
all of this wonderous stuff
that God is doing
within the church
so that all can benefit from it?

michael obviously feels
that he cannot pursue
his vision within the confines
of the baptist church

too much inertia there i suppose
too hard to get all those
nominal christians on board

 i suppose if michael
had grown up catholic
he might have ended up being
the founder of a new religious order

that seems to be the way
for zealous individuals
to pursue their visions
while remaining inside the church
so that their gifts can be
of benefit to the church

something about that
seems healthier than
leaving the rest of the church behind

still
i remain inspired
by michael's zeal

for some reason
this train of thought
is reminding me of
a recent conversation with
high school teachers
about the "no child left behind" policy
how it basically enshrined
a standard of mediocrity
and eliminated programs
designed to challenge and inspire
the brightest students

within the church
of course we don't want
to leave anyone behind
but there must also be
attention to the spiritual needs
of those who desire to move
beyond the basics


i think michael is finding
his spiritual needs unmet
in the mediocrity of the baptist church

i think my attraction to the Catholic church
in part at least
has a similar basis
a need for a deeper
more authentic christian community
than what i was finding
in my present church

whether or not i will find that need met
in the catholic church remains to be seen

and even if it is met there
i would also not want
to "leave behind" my
presbyterian and evangelical siblings
but would want to remain
in communion with them

18 comments:

  1. Sally,

    A nice post. May I ask whether you're draw to Catholicism per se, or if the pull comes from specific Catholic communities? I make no judgment either way, and certainly have no desire to discourage from your path.

    My experience, which naturally comes with its own blinders and limits, is that there's no discernable correlation between denominational affiliation and authentic community. And this presents modern Christians with a dilemma. Do they seek to align themselves with the most authentic local community, irrespective of denomination? Or do they remain within a denomination, even at the cost of a weaker local community, and try to raise it? Or, and this may be the most challenging path of all, and seeming the path that you're on, do they try to serve as a bridge, with one foot in each community? Again, I make no judgment, as it seems to me that the right answer for one might not be the right answer for another. We each have our own calling.

    I do find in Michael's seeking evidence of the error that Bonhoeffer so eloquently described, and that is being ensnared by a vision of an ideal church, so much so that any real church ends up feeling like an ungodly failure by comparison. I hope that I am wrong.

    Peace

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  2. thanks for your thoughtful words here
    what an interesting description of
    some sort of certainty and your progression
    even amid doubts on a path

    how do we ONE it all

    ut unum sint

    my belief holds that there is sufficient substance for unity in teh christian family no matter how fractured and divided
    the wisdom is inherent
    and we can find it

    much like the japanese tea ceremony does not
    allow for class or caste
    all are alwasy equal at the tea table
    so it is as we seek perfection
    in the body and blood of christ
    reception is not an honorarium
    the ennobling is about the recognition that we are sinners in need
    and this is the common denominator

    all the rest is
    i feel
    there for our help
    along the way

    and all manner fo thing shall be well


    jh

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  3. thanks stu & jh

    let me first try to respond to stu

    am i drawn to catholicism itself
    or to specific catholic communities?

    in the beginning it was definitely
    specific catholic communities--
    first st. andrew's abbey in valyermo, california
    and then later st john's abbey
    in collegeville minnesota
    where i met jh

    i think the first thing that appealed to me
    was the rhythm of work and prayer
    that i saw lived out in benedictine monasteries
    at that time (~ A.D. 2000) i was careening
    out of control with busyness in my work
    placing unrealistic demands on myself
    and allowing others to do so as well

    it was liberating for me to see
    christians living by the rule that
    when the bell rings for prayer
    you put down whatever you are doing
    and "immediately but without haste"
    proceed to join in the appointed hour
    of communal prayer

    it was liberating to realize
    that i could (and should) create
    such boundaries in my own life
    like setting a time to leave work
    and go home for dinner
    instead staying every night until i was finished
    with what i perceived had to get done that day
    whether it took me until 6 pm, 7 pm or 8 pm
    and then arriving home tired, hungry and cranky

    another thing that appealed to me from the beginning
    was the involvement of my whole body in worship
    especially bowing and kneeling
    i found that these acts
    felt good
    they connected me with
    a sense of honor and respect
    for other human beings and for God

    to this day one of the most beautiful things
    that i have witnessed is the way
    the monks of st john's process in
    for evening prayer on sundays
    they march into the sanctuary
    in two parallel lines
    as they approach the alter
    the heads of the two lines
    bow first to the altar
    then they turn and bow to each other
    before proceeding to their seat
    in the choir stalls
    this is followed by each succeeding pair
    until the entire assembly has taken its place

    something about this act
    of two people bowing to each other
    seems profound to me
    especially considering the fact
    that these men live together
    they may have just argued over dinner
    but now they bow to the image of God in each other

    ah...
    i'm just getting started
    but the appointed hour has come
    for me to set aside what i am doing
    and go to my work

    more later ...

    thanks for asking

    bowing to you both
    and to J
    if he is listening

    sally

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  4. Sally,

    I like your follow-up even more than the OP, and that's saying a lot.

    Certainly, my life right now has me longing for the bucolic vision of life depicted in Koyaanisqatsi. 'twill get better, I'm sure. I just hope it does so before I reach thermal equilibrium. I'm in my mid-50's now, a point in life where you're expected to pick up your yokes in the morning, and pull into the night. I'm not complaining, it's just life, and these days there are far too many people aching for a yoke to pull.

    But there is a trap in the academic life. Part of never having to punch in is that you never get to punch out, either. "Professor" isn't a job, it's a vocation. As I sometimes ruefully joke, the nice thing about being a Professor is that you can work any eighty hours a week you want to. The problem, of course, is that those eighty hour work weeks are rarely as productive as you'd wish. Forty hours, with proper exercise and sleep, will sustain a higher productivity than eighty hours, week after week. But there's always that pull, that trap. Just this week, I can work just a bit longer, and get just a bit more done.

    Like you, I find worship as a time when the yokes can be set down. I agree that that kinesthetic approaches to worship, whether of the standup, sit down, pray, sing, pray of the liturgical churches, or the jump up and down and shout "Alleluia!" of the black churches, are salutary. Worship is not a spectator sport. Movement, song, and liturgical response help in keeping people present in worship.

    Your description of the monks processing to the altar, and bowing to one another, reminds me in a funny way of the tradition in some sports, especially contact sports, of the teams lining up and shaking hands with one another at the end of the game. Rugby teams take this one step further: the home team is expected to provide a post-game "feast." In adult rugby, the feast is mostly drunk, and soon the players are too. My son's a rugby player... The "game" is not just the game, it's the game and the feast. It's being able to compete for all you're worth, and then to turn around and celebrate life with the folks you competed against as with friends.

    This is not schizophrenic. It is balanced.

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  5. stu

    it is good to be reminded
    of the concept of vocation
    i am at a university
    where the faculty are unionized
    and so it is easy to lapse into thinking
    of teaching as merely a job

    the concept of vocation
    has a greater sense of wholeness to it
    i think
    teaching and research
    then become just a part
    of the greater whole
    to which God is calling me
    a whole that includes
    sleep
    exercise
    prayer
    time to prepare and eat healthy meals
    time with family and friends
    time to listen to the person
    who shows up on the doorstep
    of my home or my office

    for me the urge
    to get just a little bit more
    done today
    can become a form of greed
    not greed for money
    but greed for acclaim
    and a lack of contentment
    with the length of the day
    that God has created
    or with the degree of efficiency
    with which he has enabled me
    to work today

    having said all that though
    there are still numerous occasions
    where working late seems to be
    the only way to meet a proposal deadline
    or to be prepared for the next day's class

    i'm sure the pressures are even greater
    at the university of chicago
    than at california state university

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  6. thanks jh
    i like what you said
    about our unity consisting of
    being sinners in need

    continuing to answer stu's original question...
    Another thing that attracts me to the Catholic church is their theologians and intellectual tradition. This attraction is probably the result of my background being mostly in the evangelical church, which I experienced to be mildly anti-intellectual. It was refreshing to visit Benedictine monasteries where very smart people had thought very carefully about Christian faith. I'm sure that I could find this in many parts of the Protestant church as well, but where I happened to find it was in the Catholic church.

    Before my sabbatical at the Collegeville Institue for Ecumenical and Cultural Studies in 2006, I struggled with trying to come to terms with the Gospel message as proclaimed by the evangelical church. I wanted to be a good Christian, and in the evangelical church that meant evangelizing, and I just could not figure out how to explain to anyone else (or to myself, for that matter) why Jesus had to die in order for God to forgive our sins. I was aware of multiple models for the atonement, but substitutionary sacrifice was pretty much the one and only model that was whole-heartedly endorsed and taught by the evangelical churches. Even John Stott's book, Basic Christianity, which I read at that time, gave pretty much the same message as Bill Bright's Four Spiritual Laws. I don't recall it mentioning any other way to look at the atonement.

    My dilemma was that you and I forgive sins against ourselves, without alwasy requiring a sacrifice at all, let alone blood sacrifice. Usually we are satisfied with expressions of contrition. Why then does God's justice require a blood sacrifice? And how does Christ's death at all rectify the injuries inflicted on others by our own sin?

    That was my dilemma, to which I found no answer in the evangelical church despite talking to several pastors and mature Chrisitan friends about it.

    While on my sabbatical, I took a course on Christian Anthroplogy from Miguel Diaz (who is now the U.S. Ambassador to the Vatican). The first book we read was "The Christian Vision of Humanity" by John Sachs. It presented an overview of the Christian faith and worldview that was MUCH more appealing to me than what I had read in John Stott's book. The book by Sach's quoted heavily from Catholic theologian, Karl Rahner, and I remember in a fit of joy and frustration writing in the margins of this book "who is Karl Rahner and why have I never heard of him?" I was stunned that I had been a Christian for almost all my life and had never read such a beautiful expression of the human relationship to God.

    I don't recall that this book directly satisfied all of my questions about the atonement. It's more that the beginning chapters were so beautiful that I was hooked without needing to fully understand the atonement.

    continued in the next comment...

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  7. ... continued from above

    I also found Karl Rahner's apologetics more satisfying than any protestant literature I had read (and--sorry jh--more satisfying that Thomas Aquinas's proof). I didn't read his apologetic works ("Spirit in the World" and "Hearers of the Word") directly, but I loved the summaries of them that I read in books about Karl Rahner.

    I also began to sense in Catholic theology a greater appreciation for other models of the atonement, and that even the substitutionary model had a slightly different nuance in Catholic circles.

    In the course that I took, we read some summaries of the teachings of the early church leaders and it seemed like everyone of them expressed in one way or another the theme that in Christ, God became like us, so that we might become like him. I had never heard this before, and it put Christ's work and the atonement in a whole new perspective. For me, Christ's death became no longer merely a substitutionary sacrifice, but more of a fulfillment of his becoming "like us"--taking our humanity upon himself event to the point of experiencing the death that is common to us all, and somehow overcoming and transcending that death in his resurrection and opening up the way that makes that possible for us too.

    This view of what Christ accomplished makes intuitive sense to me, in a way that John Stott's presentation of the gospel did not.

    I'm not sure why it has taken 5 years since then for me to think seriously about becoming Catholic. I suppose it's that there are other aspects of the Catholic church that can seem legalistic to me. I knew that I liked the daily prayer routine and intellectual atmosphere at Benedictine monasteries, but I was not sure that Catholic parish life would hold the same appeal to me. I enjoyed the sense of reverence and periods for silent reflection in the Catholic mass, but to me the mass was not really any more meaningful than a morning or evening prayer service.

    I suppose it was a conversation with jh this past summer that got me thinking more seriously about the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist. I think I started out thinking "It is what it is, and if the church teaches that Christ is really present, then I am willing to believe that". Then I think I moved to "I want to believe this; I hope this is true." In my RCIA class we read Justin Martyr's description of the mass and a separate quote from him that expressed the churches view that the bread and wine become the body and blood of Christ. To learn that this view of the Eucharist was taught essentially from the very beginning of the church in a sense gave me the "permission" I somehow felt I needed to believe it.

    As I contemplate this more and integrate the teaching of the real presence of Christ with my deeper understanding of the Gospel described above, the mass and the Eucharist seem much more meaningful to me now. There is a power in knowing that not only did Christ come long ago to become like us so that we might become like him. He also comes anew everyday. Everyday he is here to take my failures and ambivalance upon himself, and to transform my flawed (but good as I can manage) offering into his divine self. He comes to me and takes me unto himself.

    I don't know if I can (or should try to) learn to sense this in a Protestant worship service, or whether it is something that really only flows from Catholic theology.

    At the moment, my main hesitation about becoming Catholic is that I don't want to break communion with my friends in other churches. It breaks my heart that as a Catholic I would be expected to refrain from sharing communion with them.

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  8. Sally,

    I had many reasons to smile in reading your comments. Let me note that I'm not here to push a specifically Lutheran perspective, although that is my tradition. I'm assuming that we're all Christians here, and that we're all seeking. We may do a bit better if we share the shiny bits we find, instead of hoarding :-).

    In the course that I took, we read some summaries of the teachings of the early church leaders and it seemed like everyone of them expressed in one way or another the theme that in Christ, God became like us, so that we might become like him.

    Indeed. It seems to me that the deep intellectual flaw in Anselmian substitutionary atonement theory is that it puts God in the position of having to jump hoops of his own making in order to effect a change he wants to make in himself. How does that make sense? Isn't God what he wills himself to be?! No, Jesus didn't have to die to change God. Jesus had to die to change us. It is our hearts that are hard, not God's. At least, that's how I see it.

    As I contemplate this more and integrate the teaching of the real presence of Christ with my deeper understanding of the Gospel described above, the mass and the Eucharist seem much more meaningful to me now.

    A generation ago, I was one of many who fought to reclaim the regular celebration of the Eucharist in Lutheran churches. It's a fight that I'm glad we won. I know so well the sense that you describe. Why has this been kept from us? Did our elders seriously believe that God's infinite love should be titrated?! It seemed that the answer was "yes." But God had a different "yes" in mind...

    I don't know if I can (or should try to) learn to sense this in a Protestant worship service, or whether it is something that really only flows from Catholic theology.

    I think you could, but I also think this is in a sense immaterial. God is where he finds you. If he found you in a Catholic parish, be glad!

    At the moment, my main hesitation about becoming Catholic is that I don't want to break communion with my friends in other churches. It breaks my heart that as a Catholic I would be expected to refrain from sharing communion with them.

    Hence the difficulty of being a bridge. But consider if you will jh's post here of August 26th. Your love of fellow Christians, and your desire for community with them, is nothing less than God's love working through you. Honor it as such, and don't let well meaning folks talk you out of God's call.

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  9. No, Jesus didn't have to die to change God. Jesus had to die to change us.

    Scuzi a bit of dissent from a bad catholic (Episcopalians by definition--tho. Pope Bene/RCC has said Ang./episc. might be Xtians too! for the time being)--I would disagree with Dr Stu here. One of the interesting features (and to me...rational) of trad.catholic theology may be precisely that point--per Christ's message the old testament dogma was no long binding (at least in the sense of "thou shalt") but..has been transfigured into Logos. A Edith Stein...becomes Saint Teresia Benedicta of the Cross (Latin itself a profound aspect of the tradition itself). Works and virtue count (as Augustine makes evident) but it's not merely obedience to law or blind faith. Alas, the Maritains..or Flannery O'Connor sorts of catholic people are in short supply IMO. Instead it's Tommy Lasorda and ChrisChristies.

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  10. oops, sorry

    that thank you was from me (sally)

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  11. Interesting essay, S. Sry for interferring with one of my rants. Ive been around catholics for quite some time (including visits to St. Andrews in Valyermo a few times--was still a "priory" ) and met many catholics --and some padres--whom I respect.On the whole, if one had to rate churches I consider the catholics quite above the ordinary prot.-evangelicals (whether lutheran, episcopalian, or baptick sort, or jews). JP II seems to have been a noble man-- even saintly (and lets not forget his criticism of BushCo and GOP policies). And...cathedrals, catholic writers, etc. a plus. (Aquinas,not so sure).

    At the same time, there are ...troubling aspects, as with the sex abuse cases, and the problem of hypocritical catholics in positions of power--the US supreme court for one. So, while tempted to...partake in the Mass ritual (did so a years ago, along with the episco.church--which has its own issues now--Im not a zealot but oppose the same-sex clergy actually)....I respectfully return the ticket until real reforms go down. (scuzi jh).

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  12. correctio: interfering

    Spell check for the peoples!

    Anyway, just as ...a street smarts thing, Im not entirely sure I would recommend the SoCal Iglesia .

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  13. thanks J

    i'm not looking for a perfect church
    just one where i can grow
    in the company of others

    the presbyterian service
    was quite nice yesterday
    it was the first sunday of the month
    so we had communion

    daily mass this morning
    at the catholic church
    also felt good

    i tend to look for the good in things
    and often ignore the rest

    i understand your critique though

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  14. i don't know if there is an easy resolution
    to your perceived dilemma sally
    and i am hesitant to suggest
    that merely by your example you provide
    a precedent

    maybe the good in what you're doing
    at this time on your pilgrim way
    is best understood in terms of courage
    to say
    all of my experience in faith and life comes with me is not unreasonable at all
    and must be recognized in catholic formation

    a deepening of your understanding of eucharist
    may ease the tension some
    i don't know

    i find it all very interesting
    that's all i know

    jh

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  15. as i near the end of A SECULAR AGE i find charles taylor begging the question of the importance of unity in creed and purpose and he looks around to all the levels and rings of community which mark peoples' lives these days

    it seems we've altered the meaning of community to a degree preferring to think of things more in terms of sets (in set theory) where likeness is the bottom line...similarity of style appearance politics orientation preference etc.

    whereas the traditional sense of community was a body of people with considerable difference who were bound together with the agreement of faith or if not that at least the agreement of safety of security in one place

    i guess he posits quite strongly the understanding that "catholic" carries with it the notion that the truths abided by therein are those which can and must apply universally
    this then allows for stylistic and ethnic particularity while grounded upon the doctrines

    and these days the doctrines are much more vulnerable to questioning even while the styles seem to be turning once again to a unifromity

    it's all so strange sometimes

    maybe any community is
    the people we eat with pray with sing with
    work with
    all the rest is the family of humanity

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  16. at rcia class today
    for the first time
    the catechist asked us each
    about our journeys
    how we were doing
    and if we had questions

    coming up on dec 4
    is the rite of acceptance
    where those of us who choose to
    will stand before the congregation
    declaring our desire
    to move forward
    from inquirer to catechumen

    i asked her
    how do i know
    whether or not i am ready
    to take that step?

    i mentioned my hesitation
    to leave my presbyterian community behind
    gordon
    who reminds me of my grandfather and
    whose face brightens
    when i give him a hug each week

    and just last week
    a set of challenge dinners
    hosted by leaders in the church
    presenting the rather dire
    financial situation of our church
    a death
    a family who moved
    closure of the preschool
    have led to a $15,000 deficit
    in the church's budget for the past 2 years
    which has eaten up what little cushion of savings
    the church had

    i don't see how i could
    discontinue or even decrease my tithe
    to this congregation at this time
    if anything
    i need to think about increasing it

    gia, the catechist
    seemed respectful of all this
    and confident that God is working
    in my journey no matter where
    it ends up leading

    i learned that the rite of acceptance
    is not a point of no return
    but is merely a statement
    of yes, i want to keep moving
    in this direction

    it is possible to remain a catechumen
    for more than a year
    postponing full initiation into the church
    until one is ready

    and it is also possible
    to be initiated
    without having gone through
    the rite of acceptance

    so whether i go through
    the rite of acceptance on dec 4 or not
    i could still be confirmed
    at easter vigil 2013 either way
    or i could postpone confirmation either way

    at the moment
    i feel almost like
    a bemused observer
    waiting to see
    what God will do in my life

    i feel comfortable for now
    laying aside my concerns
    about communion
    and just waiting to see
    how God will work it all out

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  17. to say
    all of my experience in faith and life comes with me is not unreasonable at all
    and must be recognized in catholic formation


    i did indeed sense that gia recognized this

    thanks for your words jh

    and i do ask the community
    of communitas dies
    for their prayers

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