IF TODAY YOU SHOULD HEAR HIS VOICE

conference    #  8






FR TIMOTHY  began by expressing the gracious gift he had recieved in praying the psalms with us the rhythm the pauses the intentional moments of listening for god he went so far as to suggest that he had recieved something far greater than what he had given to us in our conferences

it occured to me while he was speaking that we are in this flourishing time everything around us is in a  flourishing state i see young women who are pregnant i see the forests burgeoning with growth i see flower gardens literally bursting with color and greenery the air is fresh and cool not much sun but the life in the flora is a regular collective madness of flourishing power the birds are regaling everything not much insect life clouds which threaten to douse us once again in a flourishing storms of rain we  are drinking in lots of rain around here...i have this deep sense of some flourishing going on in my life...sometimes i feel i could burst with joy....this resulted in some tears




our flourishing in religious life is sustained by the recitation of the psalms
the psalms are a seedbed for the gardens of our lives
what are we doing singing and reciting these ancient poems
what do we think we are up to
to be to be do be do to    day -in- day -out   bringing these prayers
around in an endless cycle of continuous utterance the world round???

our earliest christian brothers and sisters adopted
the psalms immediately
most likely there was some form of collective psalmody going on
before the rites of eucharist took on recognizable form
from the time of Jesus' death to the the time of the writing of Mark's gospel
or    "peter's"  gospel  those marked by  the WAY
sustained their witness with the psalms in what became
the greatest witness to HOPE

at one level our engaging in the psalms is selfish
we find these chapels to be
places we like very much
we like the prayer and we make it a habit
and we pretend to own it to some degree
but really what we are doing is for others it is for
everyone else in the church it is a true charitable service
it is the ever flourishing garden
no matter what else goes down or awry in the church
the orders dedicated to the divine office will go on singing the psalms
each one is a song each one even when recited is a song
we are engaged in concentrated singing
this is why
MONASTERIES ARE FOUNDED FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHOIR
this takes priority

a little different from the world at large

although it is interesting to think about how important recorded music is in the life of people
 people take on a personal ownership of  "their music"   i have   "My"  music but

the divine office is the one true gem the one thing the treasure we cannot forsake in all of christendom

we keep alive this very public very ancient very drone-like method of prayer a nearly hypnotic form if it weren't for  mind -boggling  statements that wake us up
 or the wrestling match of anyone's particular struggle
the recitation of psalmody could easily descend into inanity...yet it has almost universal concensus that it is powerful and it is beautiful and it has its own perpetual motion...the  HOLY SPIRIT  if you will

herein fr timothy recounted two stories of people he new at the very end of their lives still conscious just before death requesting music requesting the last string quartets of beethoven or a haydn symphony for the other person

in the end there should be music as we finish up our stay here our ministry
whatever it could be we must attend it and end it with beautiful music
and the church learned this early on
 that despite all  no matter what  to go on praising god
'tis the way to lend dignity to everything every event every consequence
it is very quiet understated and insistent HOPE

sing and walk onwards   -  admonishes augustine of hippo

it is godly duty we perform the godly duty of doing it
just doing it day after day just doing it for no other reason
that to just do it
and the psalms as we know appeal to almost every imaginable emotion
every deep thought of mankind is imbedded somewhere
in the expressions in the psalms terrible anger anguish fear
horror laughter worry shame but always the acknowledgement of
transcending in the enduring hope of god
 we too are his hope after all
his language to us is intimate love talk



the   4   point structure of the prayer day:

EVENING
is the true beginning it is a moment of recounting
what has transpired that day and of looking onward in hope
to the next day
we let the day go
MASS is best in the evening tis in the evening we reconcile

the last supper was a late afternoon evening meal

NIGHT
is the time of truly letting go of the day of forgetting
of allowing everything to have its recourse in god
let us always bear in mind that Jesus
slept in the boat while the storm whipped up
compline is a beautiful prayer

MORNING
our tradition is that all churches face east
it is not so any longer
but up until the 20th century it was a standard
the rosetta windows were meant to be the
display of wonder in the morning every morning
announcing god's love for us
our eyes  AWAKENING  with the sun
in morning psalms we utter our deference to the possibility of life being new
a new day dawns we sing the glory this is the day if today you should hear his voice



DAY
day by day o dear lord three things i pray
the present of the present to be in the moment the only moment that really exists
present past - present present  - present future
all one each day the drama it is meant to be the time of flourishing
if at all possible      if we can flourish       if we can assist others
 in their flourishing or simply to flourish ourselves in the midst
of whatever flourishing may or may not be happening
sometimes religious life can appear pretty sterile
even from the inside
if we flourish in prayer we lend humanity to all of it

who is taking the pace         who sets the pace
jean vanier speaks of serving at the pace of a disabled person
allowing them to set the pace
let us not ignore the approach to time that the virtually helpless person
must assume


my brothers
         HE SO ENDED

let us pray











....

body and soul

conference   #7



"....everything you do in the flesh is spiritual...."   ignatius of antioch


a benedictine a jesuit and a dominican were all on a cruise ship and the ship
sank many died but the three priests all were able to swim to safety
and were together on a deserted island
after some weeks of basic survival they were visited by an angel
the angel said
i grant each of you one wish
wish it and god will grant it
so the benedictine said
i took a vow of stability and i desire to return to   st john's abbey
and whoosh he was gone
the dominican thought for a moment and said
the benedictines are always first they are the wise ones
i think i want to go back to black friars at oxford
and whoosh... he was swept away in a cloud
the angel then asked the jesuit what he desired
he said
you know i'm getting a little lonely here
i wish that my old friends the monk and the friar
 would come back here and be with me     : )

what does the  holy spirit do for us
the HOLY SPIRIT drove jesus out tot he wilderness
this seems to be the pattern
each of us can think about times in our ives
when we were in a wilderness a desert place
JEAN VANIER had a promising career in philosophy
he had won honors and had an academic career set out before him
then he met two troubled and disabled young men
and he was invited by the HOLY SPIRIT to go into the wilderness
of the DISABLED
it was in this wilderness that he could hear the quiet whispering voice of GOD

the trials of shame embarrassment scandal horror tragedy of the sexual abuse scandals
have forced the church into a wilderness of sorts
we've all had to ask ourselves where is GOD in all of this
...the best that we've been able to discern is that we can hear the healing words of GOD
calling us to be healers of all human sexual sin all the damage of misplaced intentions
in every aspect of sexuality...this seems to be our contemporary wilderness

the CARMELITE tradition faces right up to the phenomenon
of the DARK NIGHT
(  fr timothy confessed he'd never had a dark night experience he feels he's not strong enough
but he admits to quite a few very grey evenings  )

he described his struggle with   " acedia "
of going through bouts of blahzaisse approaches to everything
no sense of vitality no desire to pray days and weeks of
nothing

what is the difference between the believer in doubt
and the unbeliever in everyday life
the believer is willing to WAIT FOR GOD

prayer is the courage to
LET IT HAPPEN TO ME AS GOD WILLS

timothy related a moment when he was actualy in the garden of gethsemane
in jerusalem
it was there he was finally one day jolted out of his spiritual doldrums

WATING FOR GOD IN SILENCE
PRAYING IN THE HOLY SPIRIT
THE SPIRIT ACTING IN   US
WE DO NOT PRAY ACTUALLY
THE SPIRIT PRAYS IN US

CAN I TRUST THIS

IS IT GOD OR ME ???

here there was a beautiful digression into the thought of CHARLES TAYLOR
i got so excited i almost fell off my chair
he pointed out that nobody in the 20th century has been able to focus in
on the problem created with the loss of imagination in a big section
of christianity
and the replacement  of   CONTROL  the society of CONTROL
the option for   REASON  has meant the option to control life
without much imagination at all

we must all ask ourselves
IS OUR CHURCH A PLACE WHERE PEOPLE WANT TO GO

( i found myself thinking about the abbey church
     not too many people go there to pray  )

in a retreat given to bishops fr timothy recounts his message::
the BISHOPS'  role is to make sure
that      GOD RULES
        -not the climbers
        -not the fearful
        -not the self assured
        -not the good ole boys

we pray at compline

INTO YOUR HANDS LORD I COMMEND MY SPIRIT

our basic question

DO I REALLY WISH TO BE HEALED LIKE THE LAME MAN
DO I WISH TO CLING TO PETER JOHN PAUL ALL THE SAINTS
DO I WANT TO BECOME HOLY

archbishop joseph cardinal bernardine was a well-trained
impeccable ecclesiastical bureaucrat
one day he was having lunch with three of his priests
they were talking about the spiritual life
the archbishop stated bluntly that he didn't pray all that much
the rosary once in a while yadda yadda yadda
the three priests took this very seriously and they challenged him on this
at one point he asked them if they were serious in their critique
it turns out they were passionate
they each in their own way insisted that he return to ardent prayer
and from that day forth he gave the first hour of every day to intentional prayer

it looks a little silly from the outside
but the common objective of all our prayer is
to ....    LET GOD BE GOD

there's a GOD-SHAPED hole in the human heart
that nothing else can fill....blaise pascal

how do i face a void
and emptiness in my life
can i let god sit there
on a little stoop in the empty place
in the prison cell of some hardly understood
mystery of my little life????

we are to TREASURE the empty spaces
in our prayer...don't fear them...don't run away from them

the conference ended with the story of   pere marie jean joseph  lataste  OP

this man in the late 1800s went into womens prisons in CADILLAC
and committed his life to serving them
he would address the women in his sermons as   "my sisters"
and this won the women over to him
they loved him and he sought their healing
many were women of the street or abandoned mistresses
who had gotten in trouble by basically being abandoned
and having nowhere to go
he initiated  the   DOMINICAN SISTERS OF BETHANY
who exist today as communities of women who provide a holy living context for
other women who have fallen on hard times for whatever reason

he was beatified and then canonized one year ago

praise GOD

everything you do in the flesh is spiritual






...

on freedom and truth

conference #6



do i believe that the TRUTH will set me  FREE??
i know i say that i know christ said it i know the
apostles were convinced of it
but am I  ??


the film    of gods and men     shows a very genuine
display of human imagination in the ideals and hopes
of the trappists...and it was in the sharing of their impending deaths
that the whole community was united in both truth
and their shared  imagination

TRUTH  flourishing in the BODY
....."glorify GOD in your body".....st paul

western society appears to be deeply  CARTESIAN
we are content to recognize one another as MINDS
and this has sadly compromised
what catholics always believed about
the goodness of the body

flourishing is stultified with ignorance of the BODY

the glorious truth of JESUS is that in his life and death
he expressed the inherent godgiven beauty of the body
and CHRISTIANITY at its bese GLORIFIES THE BODY
for we then see our bodies as gifts
not really ours in a direct sense
given to us so that we can give of ourselves
GIVE OUR BODIES AWAY  in  degrees of imitation
of the PASCAL MYSTERY

the  LAST SUPPER is the great drama the model
for christian marriage
this is my body
this is my blood
i give to you

even for professional religious
unmarried
we are to GIVE our bodies our very lives

for thomas aquinas
TOUCH is the human of the senses
it is intrinsically good
it distinguishes us for other animals
what we affirm by touch is our intimate connectedness
to the rest of the world

man is made in the image and likeness of GOD
christian life is to be formed into the image and likeness of JESUS CHRIST
an ever new image and likeness one complete with mystery and beauty

i do not recall her name
i do know that she was a contemporary of anne frank
she was jewish
before she died she wrote about the christian gesture of kneeling
... she felt in her body the desire to kneel

the church's mission began
with the healing of the LAME  MAN in
ACTS 3
clear evidence that CHRIST intends to glorify the BODY
(numerous examples from the gospels)

the story is told about a young woman
developmentally disabled and challenged
in the    L'ARCHE  community in OTTOWA
she was given to self mutilation and violent gestures
outwardly
JEAN VANIER had the idea to begin to find nice dresses
to offer to paint her nails
to give her little smellgoods
nice shoes etc
and this changed her
over time she became a smiling person
when she could accept her body as beautiful worthy of beauty
she lost her monsters she became sweet and enjoyable

the christian transformation of the world began with the words
"the TEMPLE of the HOLY  SPIRIT"

"the face is the soul of the body"    -   ludwig wittgenstein


WE CANNOT FLOURISH BY OURSELVES
we are meant to love we are meant to be with others
it is in this context that christians have always hungered to see GOD'S  SMILE
and this is the christian mission which began in ACTS 3
peter conveyed he SMILE OF GOD and it was transposed onto the healed man
every good miistry begins with this GAZE OF AWE

how different is this GAZE this SMILE
from the faces that dominate the  "bully"  culture of modern politics


the tough domineering totalitarian hard gazes of warped idealisms


the christian ministry is as simple as a deliberate gaze
infused with the love of god
when our faces then are most beautiful

the beauty of the FOOT
a beautiful practical design
26 bones comprise the foot
the foot is designed for walking
this walking marked the life of christ
it was emulated by the first christians
even though many settled into communities
it was expected that a long pilgrimage
would be part of the life of a believer

christ's gesture to WASH the feet
was actually a very old custom amongst nomadic peoples
and even in the households of the jews
to receive a vistor without the obligatory washing of feet
was considered tantamount to an insult

to the man he healed in  ACTS 3
peter says
STAND UP AND WALK

the name  TEKAKWITHA :
she who walks groping her way
(  this is thought to be related to the fact that she was partially blind
      after contracting the   'white mans'   illness   )



the WORD became   FLESH AND BLOOD


500  yrs ago we became quite dull we forgot to pray with our bodies
a whole intricate body choreography of hands gesturing kneeling bowing
kissing was nearly wiped out
it survived in the post-tridentine church out of sheer stubborness
(  it's by no means lost in the african american churches  )

the cured man in ACTS 3 rises up and runs to CLING to peter and john
the healing has given the man freedom and he clings in love
to the man who has given him the ability to walk again

the LAME MAN now cured is moved in his body to relate to peter
and john to be with them it's as if the only thing that could make sense to the man is his
being with those who have healed him

we are made to depend on one another down to the very reality of our bodies


the story of   VINCENT   the   BLIND   DOMINICAN

one day vincent was visiting liverpool for the first time
it was most disconcerting but he was dedicated to
negotiating the streets and sidewalks on his own
(  fr timothy relates the huge gift in his DOMINICAN house
      the bodily dependence they have had to agree to
         because there's a blind person in the house  )
well vincent arrives at a street crossing and hears the
walking assistance beeps but isnt' quite sure about things
until he hears two sets of steps approach and he blurts out
excuse me could you help me across
why certainly says the voice
they make it to the other side
and vincent expresses his gratitude 
and the reply comes
o not at all... thank you...really... I'M BLIND



THE TRUTH OF CHRIST INCARNATE IN THE TRUTH OF OUR BODIES












.

of gods and men

conference  #5


every conference begins with this prayer




Prayer to the Holy Spirit



Come Holy Spirit,
 Fill the hearts of your faithful
enkindle in them the fire of your love.

Send forth your Spirit
 and they shall be created,
And You shall renew
the face of the earth.

O, God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit,
Did instruct the hearts of the faithful,
Grant that by the same Holy Spirit
we may be truly wise and ever enjoy His consolations,
Through Christ Our Lord.

Amen







brothers i want to state this again i said it this morning
but i want to say it again now listen very carefully
we are beholden to this notion we must encounter it
with courage and real fearlessness

ATHEISM IS A REAL CHALLENGE TO OUR IMAGINATION



yeah big deal i thought

the master went on to explain the 17th century in britain
the rupture the tearing asunder of the imagination
in favour of the cognitive truth the scientific objective statement
stated boldly and without aplomb there was this attraction to this
dry stale scientism clean laboratory scientism which did not permit much room for imagination

now it's true that early text books hired illustrators

our task and i say this with utmost seriousness our task is to
make the inarguable case for a return to the imagination
for a re-enlivening of the imagination
as it has flourished at other times in the  14th century for instance
the twelfth  century was very imaginative the 6th century from one point of view was
richly imaginative the second into the third centuries were hot moments of rich
christian imagination
we are due for another return
to the healthy hardy catholic enchanted splurging of god's unstoppable flourishing
imagination
we must re-wed TRUTH AND IMAGINATION  teach them to dance with one another again




we must make the divorce null and void



it is important to note at this time that the foundational idea of this conference
was the film      OF GODS AND MEN    in all that he said he returned time and again to the
film reminding us for we had all or almost all of us watched it

so he presents us with the phenomenon of the end of the movie when he watched it with a friend and he observed that nobody in the theatre moved till well after the credits were finished and he could palpabley feel the conflicting emotion in the room    ---    Was this a triumph of evil?


the mind returns to the final scene when they are being led away from the monastery in northern algeria as they walked up the last mountain together they were helping one another along they were stopping to assist the walking of a slower brother much as they would if they were out for a walk
the movie portrayed in a most successful way the  TRIUMPH OF HUMAN LOVE  even in the face of death


courage chesterton says is really contradiciton in terms it is the desire to live and the willingness to die all at once

the truth of christ's passion is in both the BEAUTY and the HORROR
we all of us find it difficult to stay focussed upon it for too long

it is estimated that a quarter of a billion christians are being oppressed tortured killed threatened this very moment in the world.... there is a real hatred in the streets for christianity

for some reason some people respond to a very beautiful message with venom and hatred
yet
how are we to make the effort to always show the very best of christianity
the gifts the treasures we've been granted how do we reflect those back into the world we live in



more martyrs in the 20th century than in any century before.... way more

a good question to ask oneself

is there anything for anyone for whom i am  prepared to die ?

for  it only stands to christian reason  -    you can't hang onto your life


one scene from the movie when two brothers are engaged in
the negotiations of staying or leaving the monastery
one brother states
i didn't come to the monastery to get killed
the response is pure

no brother but you did
you gave your life away completely
when you  stated your vows

learning how to die and learning to be oneself in the community
are like inhaling and exhaling

how to find ways for god to become incarnate in my life in the way that i'm living it

it is a very catholic instinct to attain to friendships with very talented people
the long long tradition of upholding the best of art the best of craft
herein is our answer
we cultivate a truth which transcends the narrow demands of science
are they believers well it doesn't' matter to engage artists in the matters of the religious imagination is to present them with the possibility of belief and the challenge to find a way to express something of that belief

and quite possibly can be the ingenious improvement of science this is what wendell berry thinks anyway

if the scientists take on the minds of the artists
to risk to be creative instead of purely didactic or objectively cognitive or dangerously experimental

thomas aquinas is rich because of his broadness his ability to take all
of science all of literature all of philosophy all of poetry
even profound examples from agriculture and weave them into
a tapestry of thought
(we neglect it to our own demise)

it is the christian message of love which will mend the rift
between imagination and what we like to call reasoned truth

the film     of gods and men        shows this poignantly
the vivid gestures of brotherly love in christ
at the end of the story are set against the impending horror of death
and in that they completely trump the mass murder

there is a love that is much too powerful for the banal passions
which lead to violence


amen



















.

truth and grace always together

conference  #4



truth it's the truth that we are made for the truth
our flourishing is dependent upon truth

three old nearly deaf women listening to a homily
will know beyond a shadow of doubt
whether the preacher sincerely believes what he preaches
they know by religious instinct they know by hearing deeply
they might not remember a word but they know

ours is the challenge to restore imagination
our knowledge of truth is depraved
without the vitality of the imagination


 here a confession was inserted
fr timothy confessed that he was nearly expelled from a benedictine school for reading   d  h  lawrences'  lady chatterley's lover  during benediction one evening at worth...we were all amused we laughed for 15 seconds at least   (  it's a great novel...an attempt to restore some healthy human eroticism into the antiseptic unimaginitive world of industrial britain...i think i will revisit this tale i know i read it in college  )


humans will suffocate if they don't find truth we are seekers of truth
and often it is the inquiries of non-believers who get us to ask ourselves
is all this TRUE is this catholic stuff TRUE????? and if it is true
even if we don't understand it it must be very important because well
others are believing it
others are genuflecting with their very lives to this stuff



this brought me to thinking about to my first notable conversion
when i was in my mid 20s i was seeking rather ardently
the rest is water under the bridge so to speak



the cultural scene of the west is riddled with lies everyone is lying the politicians are lying the news people are lying the leaders are lying ......... WHO IS TELLING THE TRUTH ANYMORE

humanity is the community of TRUTH   -   augustine of hippo

even a child is alerted to  the possibility of truth
we are inclined toward truth
we have an instinct for truth

the truth must be able to resonate with  the actual experience of people's lives
or else it is flat it is uninspired it is as exciting as a conclusion at the end of a lab report
.....are we able to say with      yves congar   OP   .....  I've fallen in love with TRUTH as with a person


am i thinking in truth terms when i confront the word of god
or
do i rationalize and make the WORD fit what i already think about life
do i resist the disturbing challenging aspects of the gospel
i mean in some ways it's a little crazy of us
to take these  2000 yr old  pieces of religious literature and presume they have some meaning for us

is our  ASSENT   notional
or   REAL  ... as  cardinal newman challenges

so often we face the WORD and we don't understand
i preached on something years ago it sounded good then but today
it is empty the word challenges me again and again and again
the TRUTH of the WORD is that it is always new and our praying the word
allows us to tap into the surprises of god the unexpected light
the WORD defies our agendas

how ready are we to say:

I JUST DON'T KNOW

even with all the commentarys and all the exegetical work
of the past 150 years
still the WORD on any given day
can surprise can challenge us

o that today you would hear his voice
harden not your hearts

this means we are to listen charitably
and with charitable listening comes powerful preaching
we owe this to the next generations of faith seekers truth seekers

often it is the CRISIS which permits us to speak TRUTHFULLY
to work through a major conflict is to gain the right to speak
truth to power or truth to untruth

how do i remain truthful with people with whom i disagree
for
you cannot speak truth with contempt
no truth without love
no love without truth

the very character of genuine charity is an extraordinary
flexibility the ability to entertain NUANCE

some people refuse to do NUANCE
without accepting the NUANCE of life
we cannot profess Justice let alone LOVE

if the heart is open
the mind understands  ....   pope john paul II

the challenge to be TRUE is placed before the church
empathy is an important element

the nonbelievers challenge our imaginations
and we must hear the voices of those who doubt bitterly
and who struggle without faith
for in order for truth to be TRUTH
it must needs take into account that actual suffering of people

it is one thing to accept wholeheartedly the church's teaching on
abortion
it is quite another thing to sit with a 16 yr old girl whose life
is in chaos and who is terribly afraid of her future of her present
and of her past
God's graciousness is often simply very quiet
how to stand in truth with real human dilemmas in quiet regard
for their dignity...if church people aren't'   doing this will anyone?

the half-learned tend to speak as if they know the truth
the truly learned are willing to say more and more
well i just don't know
that openness of not really knowing is a mark of generous youthfulness
open to the world in an exciting way
how to keep our minds young and curious

well.... bouts of ludicrosity tend to help



'tis good and healthy to savour insight
to return to the brilliance of insight.....bernard lonergan  SJ

savour truth savour friendship savour the sources of knowing
these are christian things to do these are sacramentally presented
these are the dramatic topics of prayer
even go so far as to savour disagreement
that is very catholic to hold opposing ideas in a balance of tolerable contradiction
sort of like juggling before the blessed mother




savour the urge to pilgrimage


and dance the cha cha cha






the MERTON scene that follows has attained to show biz status
in the catholic world i've heard this story so many times and it is  still a good story
but it is one of those things about this guy standing on a  corner in
louisville kentucky he's out of the monastery he's maybe on his way to a date with a lovely maiden
who knows who cares really the fact is he's there he's looking at the people on the street he is suddenly struck with the awareness that he loves these people he sees them deeply as perhaps god sees them as perhaps they don't even see themselves but he has a moment of clarified vision and he sees only beauty only these astounding different faces god the artist of impossible variety o i guess i told the story that's the story

and then a poem which ended with the line

"we acted like kings
and we drank in the sun"



about someone fishing with thomas merton and
 thomas aquinas








.

in full retreat

conference  #3

we are called to flourish
this word was used by elizabeth anscombe
by jacques maritain by Alasdair MacIntyre
it is a concept which weaves itself through the thinking of charles taylor

fr.  timothy OP  says unabashedly
this is what it is all about in case you've been wondering

we are meant to flourish
god gives every indication of wanting us to flourish
nature flourishes people flourish
not all of them thank god or religion would be
completely out of business
the  miracle of the mind having  awe and wonder with life is a response to the perception that being has a way of flourising



the 20th century has witnessed a philosophical return
to the emotional life the life of these intricate indicators
in the human mind these anxiety flag wavers these love noticers
these delight seekers these thought causers these tear causers these
laughter inciters these fear messages these anguish sounders these
illness riders these prayer motivators the anger wrilers of the
wild west feelings rodeo known in these parts as the emotions

(    of course you've gathered by now that words in italics are essentially commentary   )



the prophet clothed in white habit and black belt
this british character donning a mood of happiness
he's a jokester really
there's something to be said about telling good jokes

as a church .......and this may or may not be good to know ....
as a church it seems we've come to the closing times
of the COUNTER REFORMATION era an era marked by some impressive
church developments the JESUITS the CAPUCHINS  the many many
orders of religious women huge surges in theology in making theology available to the common reader huge efforts in education and health care
but all this under a discipline which somehow made professional religious
men and women into  SEXLESS creatures
or it created the social atmosphere of what was
to be a professional religious ideal  ....sort of stiff   sort of sexless ...
holy perhaps but difficult to recognize the human there



so much was focussed on finding a means of working the mind
beyond the distractions of natural desire
......well it's a good question to ask ....is it so?....
positing the ideal of chastity during the counter-reformation
was a way of being   supra-practical...a way of freeing people
a way of guiding the energies of many people
to the ideal of christ
even if today we see it all as rather stiff
i would maintain that the extensive good of the schools
the hospitals the orphanages the places of retreat
all this attests to a positive apprehension of humanity

knowing by general consensus that the sexual drive
is the most overwhelming of all drives known to reflective humanity
more effort is placed upon it more deliberate waking attention given to it by more people than any other human activity other than perhaps eating or perhaps sleep
 but of course that is not a waking activity.... or is it?
but what i'm thinking here is there was this intense christian drive to sublimate to redirect the energies of physical desire toward higher goals like spiritual writing -advances in prayer -modes of creative variations on prayer the 17th  18th and 19th century produced more variations in the spiritual path in catholic circles than in any other time...really it is fascinating when one relates this fact to the development of human persons in all aspects of life...  anyway  i digress....or do i




it is evident from the texts of the middle ages
that
there was very little by way of social reaction to the fact
that people were human and they all desired sexual solace
most directives were focussed on people being discrete
find ways not to bring gossip around
there was ample room for delicate secrecy
and everyone the priests the monks the nuns
the pilgrims saw it as a way of life and it was
parodied endlessly in festivals
this    laissez faire   general attitude was challenged
by the reformers in the 16th century
to the effect that we've yet to assess the ideas of social sexual shame
as an impetus to alter the church
the reformers saw themselves as purifiers and discipliners
the catholic response was to become intensely IDEALISTIC
which created an imbalance
we lost sight of the realism REALISM of the middle ages

woven within the thought of thomas aquinas is a principle known as
the LOGIC OF DESIRE
THOMAS'   assessment of the passions is that they are good
they were made by god they reflect the very image of god
.....if put to good purpose....
they can be destructive as well
and thus we give awareness to the great rise in christendom
to the MORAL SCIENCES
moralists began doing intense involved moral manuals
in order to outdo the shoolmen of the middle ages it would seem
but actually as a way of delineating the intense psychological awareness
of the human propensity to fail and devise a means that is more charitabel yet
in allowing humans to rebound from failure
this is now sort of perceived as an exercise in distraction from the natural wonder
of the human body the human being in all his  comic  ( yes comic) glory
they took as their foundation the 10 commandments
these are  SIGNPOSTS OF DESIRE   (well of course they are)
it was a form of reaction to social discipline in the protestant world order
a way of articulating methods of interior discipline


the monologue upon which i was truly rivetted
moved on seamlessly to a discussion about
priorities weights and measures when it comes to desire
the destructiveness of sin is most noted in the
hang-up of petty desire



GREAT DESIRE IS WHAT THE CHRISTIAN NEEDS
PASSION THAT BRINGS ON FLOURISHING
books music poems dance paintings buildings
crafts things of beauty friendship ardently pursued
great passion putting all petty passion aside
it is good to be PASSIONATE about something
bring on the passion

then without so much as a bat of an eye
he looks us all straight in the face  (s)
and says
WE ALL NEED SOME GOOD TEACHING ON HOW TO FALL IN LOVE

(  well i was as alert as a mouse in church when the bells are rung
all my senses were attuned to the words his words and the emotions in my body
and it was no surprise no surprise at all for i felt as though
perhaps i may be the only one in the room who is almost quite literally
head over heels as it were  )

love is a joyous thing

our retreat director then commenced upon a tale of love
he related the story of woman coming into his life
just before he was to be ordained to the priesthood
a most disturbing affair by any accounts
but there was to be no doubt in his mind it was true and truly LOVE
and it is love to this day and it involved a woman becoming catholic
and it finally involved her recognition that her love for him
was partly her love for the Dominicans as she had come to know them
and this made all the difference
fr timothy's humility was his offering of this woman
to the rest of his brothers
his love would always be particular
but it would be conducted in transparent relationship to
the reality of his Dominican life

and there was another woman
....a story for another day

we are to be willing to undergo
SPIRITUAL    HEART     SURGERY
it is in the way of CRISIS to help us to do it

the CHURCH is wrestling squirming as in a straightjacket
in a state of a petty PUBERTY CRISIS
the crisis of the church is a crisis of maldirected  weakened LOVE
a sort of constricted love a close-minded love
and it expresses itself in immature sexual ways
and everywhere is seen this greater desire to be more mature
more truly charitable more likened in all things to christ

(  i'd never quite thought of it this way but it began to make perfect sense  )


i found myself thinking that society in general is highstrung strung-out on
very adolescent exaggerations about what sex is about
and this is reflected somehow into the way the CHURCH is thinking about sex

the writings of late on the body and on love and on virtue by recent popes notably
pope john paul II (s) prophetic statement on  THE THEOLOGY OF THE BODY
it appears however
 that there is a catholic response that wishes to recognize the connection
between CHRIST'S PASSION and normal human passion
something we can assess was in great awareness in -say- the 14th century

to read DANTE to read the DECAMERON to read medieval commentaries on the SONG OF SONGS is to become aware that erotic life was an accepted dimension of what it means to be gloriously human




HAVE A GOOD CRISIS
  ( a slogan on a t-shirt  )

the mystery of god's love for us is entwined in the mystery of our efforts to love
we are known intimately by an all loving god who calls us whose call is always there
and he tends to speak clearest in CRISIS

to dare to love is to dare to dance in a crisis

can we envision a WIDE OPEN church where god's love is expressed in a flourishing way

in our differences we are called to love universally   (  katolikos  )
attend to the brilliant variety of life



we are here to learn the art of loving others...

what the others are here for
GOD only knows  ....            W H Auden




is it possible to love without fomenting disaster
this is at the heart of christ's admontion to everyone
our eyes must learn to see chastely our minds think chastely

it is a failure of    CHASTITY    to have
fear or anxiety about the body or sex     ....     Thomas Aquinas   OP





any love worth the name
takes a long time





our life much like the life of the israelites
is a struggle of return of failure of loss of dejection
of darkness
and of RETURN of glorious and continual return

o then a  footnote comment in closing elucidates the person of Peter in
Mark's gospel     -    it could be read as a shameless display of failure
and return

we are called to be WIDE OPEN in our friendship
with the LORD


St Anthony of the desert became a living symbol
of Christ's Charity and the people knew it
they proclaimed the astounding fact of this man's
unbound charity for all who came to visit him
and he flourished he lived to the age of  105




after some good lolling
let us try some flourishing











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from my life to yours - part 2

it is instructive to note that the first minute and a half of this conference was marked with an extended befuddlement over the microphone...our director fidgetting and asking  ..."can you hear me?"....."now"? ....."what about now?"....i could hear him fine i was sitting in the back of the room i could hear the man's voice as clear as a bell without a microphone it baffles me to wonder why we are so damn dependent on these contraptions they've inserted themselves into our lives and cannot be extracted...they fulfill my oft neglected prophetic announcement of some 10 years ago or more...the mechanical mandate of the amplified sound devices...."YOU CANNOT  'NOT ' USE THE DEVICE"










conference #2

AM I ALIVE?
IS THE CHURCH A PLACE OF ABUNDANT LIFE?

these were the first questions of the day
and they lead to questions of leadership

all of us baptized into christ's passion death and resurrection
into his KINGSHIP
are beholden to LEAD
in life giving ways as led our SAVIOUR
when he led the way

what better example than the story of the prodigal son

Fr Timothy stated point-blank
our challenge as a church is to get beyond the insidious language of
MANAGEMENT
somehow the church has assumed this rhetoric of the
secular humanist agenda this language of utility
of practicality of getting everything continually in order
and keeping it in order
nothing so militates against healthy christian living
as this MANAGEMENT mindset

(  i found this rhetoric so enchanting that i found myself dreaming
of being at a party   ...   at 10 in the morning)

God's style of GRACE seems to be something else
if it is management it is something we rarely get a chance to behold
for it defies what we might consider good order

GOD IS ALWAYS YOUNGER THAN WE ARE  -  augustine of hippo

the christian admonition to serve is an invitation to leadership
for a servant to recognize that he or she is working
in      GOD'S GRACE
we serve everyone

a story is told of a very big name Dominican arriving
at a Dominican house in England and there's a man there to meet him
the important Dominican says  VERY WELL BROTHER NOW WHERE'S MY ROOM
up on the second floor  -  came the humble reply
OK THEN THERE'S MY SUITCASE
up the stairs they trudged
servant attending guest
NOW BROTHER WHEN IS DINNER  and etc. etc,
when they arrived at his room
AND BROTHER I SHOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH THE PRIOR
after a pregnant pause came the reply
I AM THE PRIOR

WHEN WE MAKE PEACE
WHEN WE DARE TO SPEAK TRUTH
WHEN WE MAKE THE INITIAL GESTURE OF
forgiveness
THEN WE LEAD
by taking the role of christ as our paradigm
we avoid trying to climb

THE GREASY POLE OF SUCCESS

our great drama  ---->

CHRIST HAS DIED
CHRIST IS RISEN
CHRIST WILL COME AGAIN

this is the festival of our life work

a most sensitive part of christian leadership
is the necessity of letting things die letting things go
so that
THE NEW CAN BREAK IN GRACEFULLY

who will shed his dignity
who will stand naked and vulnerable
who will lead the way to self-effacement
who can stand to be discarded
by the ways of the world

in the PRODIGAL story the son the bad boy
returns to take his place as the son of his father
his humble self-recognition takes him to the point
of willingness to be a mere slave
his father   (  the true prodigious one  )
insists that order is restored
by his rushing out to meet the wayward lad
by calling for a festival
by entering into the mysterious enchantment
of christian forgiveness and reconciliation

and o that other proud son
that son who is indignant
that son who cannot believe his eyes
that son so hurt
so demeaned by his father's lack of perspective
by this completely  uncalledfor  display
of generous charity
IT IS JUST TOO DAMN MUCH

here a distinction is made between
someone BEING A PROBLEM
and someone  HAVING PROBLEMS

it is never a good thing
to treat a fellow human being as A PROBLEM
for
we are to be the gaurdians of one another's DIGNITY
and thus

'TIS FITTING TO BE MERRY
'tis right to lead the way to the party

(   'tis a glorious expression to be the perpetrator of joy"   )

Jesus himself began his spoken ministry
at a wedding festival

We are always presented with a choice
to use the language of God's gentle LOVE
or the language of conflict

there's a story of ARCHBISHOP TUTU
arriving at a check point at some important place
in south africa maybe 20 years ago
the gaurd at the gate looked him in the face and said
WE DON'T ABIDE GORILLAS HERE
desmond responded with
O BUT I  DO

one great thing to keep in mind always

EVERYTHING IS LESS IMPORTANT
THAN THE PASSION DEATH AND RESURRECTION
OF OUR LORD






remember the key word for the week

LOLL

learn to LOLL








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from my life to yours

i don't know what inspired me to take up a pen and take notes for the next few days
we're on retreat and i thought wel maybe someone else with communal inclinations would
benefit from a session by session synthesis...and of course my own commentary...
the retreat conferences are being presented to us by   fr. timothy radcliffe OP   and just by way of atmospheric introduction he has regaled us already with good humour he struck a good note by allowing us to laugh at ourselves a bit....a communal moment of laughing at ourselves...how quaint....but somehow good





retreat conf.  #1



the man states flatly
to be christian is to be alive
we are called to be signs
of christ's abundant life

he then went on for awhile about how truly simple and beautiful the sacraments are and beyond any sort of anxiety the greater church might be having about the worth of sacraments in their 7 ordered tiers of simplicity they are about life and death and drama of life of birth of sex of illness of commitment of pain of service

to be vividly alive in the sacraments
is to be involved in the dramas
of  peoples'  lives

immediately i found myself reflecting on moments in life when the sacraments served and people served me in struggle we all have for life giving life to life and the sacraments have made time and again a vivid impression of the oranic mysteries of actually being human...how do we choose to sacralize our lives??   recently if my memory serves me just recently i was engaged in a very intense moment of sacralization of someone's life.....who was that?????....o it will come to me

holiness is enmeshed in hearing
by HEARING
the god who calls us to life
and this is  his endless task to express
ever anew the call to each of us to have life in him



(hear i wish to point out that i struggled this whole time about 20 minutes with a high-pitched electric frequency emanating from the PA system and found it oddly ironic that we were on such a topic as   hearing of all things  )



the thing about christ he said
was that the man had a life to give away
he gave it in prayer he gave it in compassion
he gave it in hanging out and walking and fishing with his friends boating etc
drinking wine he gave it away to women who needed him he gave it and gave it
to be fully alive is to have a life to give

a dominican miracle story
a famous dominican preacher returned one night
to his residence which was just a ways up the road
from a dominican sisters priory and it was late but he stopped
and rang the bell at the sisters place and yelled
come along sisters come one and all i had a wonderful day preaching
and i want to celebrate with you
the sisters all gathered round in wonderment and he said
here  join in a big cup of wine i have a jug here let's have a drink for god
and all his creation
so he passed the cup amongst a goodly number of sisters and
it returned to him completely full

and all were happy as could be


we are to be that joyous cup of wine
that never goes empty

from here the  (now completely beloved)   retreat preacher
addressed the religious life in general

he said to us he said he did he said
being a religious isn't just a good life...
it is that for sure it's proven itself in countless ways through the centuries of nurturing some absolutely extraordinary human beings in every possible walk of life and some that haven't been tried much yet

ultimately if it's working
it is a way of being a way of saying
with ones existence  ---  it is glorious to be
a human being
glorious in the way everything else in the world just is
and each thing is glorious by virtue of its existence alone
the human distinction is

WE ARE CALLED BY NAME
OURS IS THE EFFORT TO HEARKEN TO THE GOD WHO CALLS US

this happens to fly in the face of
the notion of success
this is a way of god saying
all you have to do is BE
to find ourselves content in our being
content  in  the  miracle of our existence

it is a way of saying back to god
YES
i wish to say yes with my life
each human life is urged somehow
to hear the voice calling singing whispering beckoning
by name

he invited us then to simply BE for a few days
do as little as possible just BE

i think i can do that    :)

well at this point my  TESP  radar went up with
exemplary proficiency for he began to use the word

LOLL

this dominican is telling this room full of benedictines
 they have to (  we all have to  ) learn to LOLL

( i guess if i were in china i'd have to learn to lock and loll)

the culmination
of the human vocation
is to
rest in God

a simple question to ask oneself
AM     I      ALIVE   ?








i shall plan to make a review of the retreat conferences as they are given this week thereby extending by word in a somewhat of a wavelength manner some sustenance that might be gained by the many and varied pilgrims surfing the cosmos










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a creed

this creed was pieced together by  fr  vincent  j  donovan and other missionaries of the congregation of the holy ghost among the maasai people of east africa
in the 1960s








We believe in the one High God, who out of love created the beautiful world
 and everything good in it. He created Man
and wanted Man to be happy in the world.
God loves the world and every nation and tribe on the Earth.
We have known this High God in darkness,
and now we know Him in the light.
God promised in the book of His word, the Bible,
 that He would save the world and all the nations and tribes.
We believe that God made good His promise
 by sending His Son, Jesus Christ, a man in the flesh,
a Jew by tribe, born poor in a little village,
who left His home and was always on safari doing good,
curing people by the power of God, teaching about God and man,
showing the meaning of religion is love.
He was rejected by his people,
tortured and nailed hands and feet to a cross,
and died. He lay buried in the grave, but the hyenas did not touch him,
and on the third day, He rose from the grave.
He ascended to the skies. He is the Lord.

We believe that all our sins are forgiven through Him.
All who have faith in Him must be sorry for their sins,
be baptised in the Holy Spirit of God,
live the rules of love and share the bread together in love,
to announce the Good News to others until Jesus comes again.
We are waiting for Him. He is alive. He lives. This we believe. Amen.







we sometimes wish to codify our essential beliefs
for posterity
for our own certainty
for mutual recognition
communities seem to compose creeds of some sort









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life and death in the monastery

This blog has been neglected for too long.

I wish to express here my gratitude for the glimpses into the life of a monastic community that I have been privileged to experience here.  I have had much more interaction with the monastic community during this sabbatical than I did when I was here seven years ago.

In January Br. John hosted a concert/evening prayer event called "More Light".  He and I and my husband, John, along with two other monks, Frs. Aelred Senna and Michael Peterson, a couple of graduate students from the School of Theology, and another friend of Br. John's performed some music in a lovely chapel with beautiful accoustics.  We also had most of the group over for dinner before the concert for planning and rehearsal.  I met other young monks in the class I audited on Eucharistic Liturgy and Theology: Br. Brad, Br. Stephen, Br. Lou, Br. Benedict, and at least one more whose name I don't remember.  I met two more, Br. Lucien and Br. Isaiah, in the ecumenical and interfaith group that met for breakfast twice during our time here.  On the other end of the age spectrum are Frs. Killian, Wilfred and Luigi (90-something, 80-something and 75) who regularly attend the seminars and Friday evening dinners with the Collegeville Institute scholars.  Frs. Killian and Luigi invited John and I for dinner in the monastic dining hall one evening in February.  (They extended the same invitation to each of the other scholars on other evenings).  Over dinner we had a chance to talk to Br. Paul Jasmer, whom I have been told has a picture of Luther on the door of his cell.  After hearing my timid expressions of wanting to find a way to be both Presbyterian and Catholic, Br. Paul said "The only way I know how to be Christian is to be ecumenical."  He also asked for a copy of my talk.  One snowy day, Fr. Killian again invited a couple of the other scholars and myself who had trudged up to noon prayer in the snow to have lunch with the monks rather than walking back to our apartments.  That was shortly after Pope Francis had been elected, and Fr. Killian was beaming with hope for the church--especially the hope for greater collegiality signaled by the new pope's riding back from the conclave on the bus with the other bishops rather than in a limousine.

Then there are those whom I met in the process of entering the Catholic Church: I met with Fr. Killian for an hour on two different occasions, asking him my questions about the Catholic faith and issues of intercommunion.  I then approached Fr. Nathanael for pastoral advice.  Br. John and I met with Fr. Michael Kwatera to discuss liturgical logistics.  Then John and I had a private meeting with Abbot John Klassen, whose warmth, understanding, and exuberance may have been what closed the deal on my "conversion".  Then a couple of meetings with Fr. Joseph for more pastoral counseling.  Br. John Brudney prepared the script for the Easter Vigil and instructed me when to come up and where to stand.  Fr. Anthony found a way to work a prayer for the Presbyterian Church into the intercessory prayers, and also asked for a copy of my talk on dual belonging.  (I had met him seven years ago when I learned how to sing Gregorian chant in the schola that he directed).  I was also one of seven people selected to have my feet washed by the Abbot at the Holy Thursday celebration of the Lord's Supper.  This got John and I another invitation to dinner in the monastic dining room, while Br. John served tables.

Then there's Br. Walter who directs the Maple Syrup operations, and who also served as deacon when I was welcomed into the Catholic Church at the Easter vigil.

So I now see a lot of friendly, familiar faces when I join the monks for prayer 3-4 times a day. 

I have been a part of two monastic processions.  Last Sunday I was a lector, so I processed into mass behind the long train of monks, carrying the red book of the Gospels, feeling a tingle down my spine as I stepped up to place it on the altar. 

A week or so earlier, I followed the funeral procession for Br. Gregory from the funeral mass in the Abbey Church, out the back door of the monastery, through the private monastic gardens between the monastery and the lake shore, then a few hundred yards down a rural lane to the monastic cemetery.  The monks at the front of the procession were singing; Br. John was at the front of the procession, carrying a cross on a pole.  Earlier that day, after morning prayer, I had met Br. Gregory, in his black monk's robe and black shoes, lying in his open, varnished pine coffin in the church.  A few other monks stood around, speaking to and about him affectionately, referring to him as "Greggie", commenting about his shoes, his glasses.  Now I watched them lower him into the ground, as I had watched John's Aunt Dody lowered into the ground a month or so earlier.  The thought of myself one day being buried in the ground used to be unthinkable to me, but it is coming to seem more normal and acceptable to me.  At the funeral mass, Abbot John told stories about Br. Gregory's love of gardening, and how last fall, with ailing health, when he had been asked what he was going to plant in the spring he had said "me!".  As I walked back to campus after the burial, I heard a group of young monks walking behind me, sharing their thoughts about death, burial, cremation.

This afternoon I observed and participated for the first time in the sacrament of anointing the sick.  I had met Fr. Kevin Seasoltz during my previous sabbatical here, and had had a couple of significant conversations with him.  His article on open and closed communion had played a role in my faith journey and featured prominently in my talk on dual belonging.  I had hoped to interact with him when I arrived here in January, and had been dismayed to learn that the was dying of cancer.  I prayed for him often during my time here.  When the intercessory prayers called our attention to those who were sick, I thought of him.  He looked weak but alert this afternoon, lying in a hospital bed in the middle of the hallway of the monastic retirement center on the second floor of the quadrangle.  A few dozen monks and a handful of nurses were gathered around as Abbot John led the rite.  I watched as each monk filed past and laid their hands on Fr. Kevin's head.  Br. John motioned me that I could do the same, and I gently laid my hand on his bald head.  I felt undeservedly priviledged to be there, witnessing this intimate moment in community life.

in the wake of a week of prayer for christian unity

                                 http://paulcouturier.faithweb.com/pcbiography2.html











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