what does it matter

i entered into a rather risque act this summer
i stepped over a line of consciousness
i entered into communion
with non-catholic people
(unless of course we abide by the principle
that in fact we are all bad catholics)

it appears like rather a minor act
commited almost undeliberately
maybe i could use the excuse that
i hadn't slept all that well the night before
that in a  moment of comme si comme sa
i merely went along with the crowd
and no one was any the worse for it
it was an innocent transgression of love
except for the fact that i in a different mood
i may have been more circumspect
more reserved

yet i held out my hand
and i recieved the bread and
the little cup of juice
in a presbyterian church
where i was the only dyed in  the wool catholic

it was a first time thing
it was fostered out of curiosity and
like all efforts at love
out of at least a little trepidation

but i am just a  poor wayfarin' stranger
what right do i have to expect designs
on the bread and wine offered me

who am i to presume that the grace i seek
can't be granted in ritual to which i was
a little strange

life was not altered egregiously or even noticeably for that matter life was not left in some abject state of need or readjustment by the afternoon everyone had more or less forgotten that a catholic man who lives his life in monastic order and decorum decided for a moment to step out of the box and receive his lord in a context somewhat unfamiliar
like degrees of faith was no object
for indeed who could ever measure

do i know the grace that came my way
in my willingness to let my guard down
to be carressed in love in a  different way
than what i am used to on a daily basis

i was willing to hear the tune in a different way

i never thought to ask forgiveness
for i never thought to confess that anything wrong had occured
for i never thought for myself anything but good will
and generous intention for union were at stake

union in the imperfect liturgy all christians share each day

community is held by communion

holy communion

give thanks to the lord for the lord is good
his mercy is everlasting

bread for the journey
broken and shared
a pilgrim must not refuse

now off to the communion i know
like i know the sheets on my bed

pow wow

what a funny term
pow wow

there's something deep and humorous in the word itself

but the event is to be held in profound respect

i was in attendance the other day over by mille lacs
i was there for the grand entry
by the side of a great lake with cool breeze
and sunlight and clouds
i watched the mating dance of two eagles high above
699 dancers

my ears are still ringing from the music
2 days later
it is the loudest thing humanly possible
without amplification
and yet it is not at all painful to listen to

the drumming and the singing are important
these are ways of communicating some essential ideas

all these people
anishinabe lakota crow cheyenne blackfoot
and a smattering of other tribes
came together to make a communal statement

i saw a lot of bead work
which is a trademark of the metis
it is french beadwork from the 15th century
taught to the chippewas and cree

in their dancing around in a circle
always the same way
they give honor to their elders to their
mothers to the earth to the creator
to the ancient origin of this form of ritual expression

while one can see that wisdom and serenity
mark the faces of the elders
the older women maintain a rare elegance throughout
and yet the children can dance and the young men
and young women can move gracefully and athletically
and sometimes in surprising dramatic gestures
one would not think posssible

the children are welcomed in
they learn by flowing with the elders
and imitating what they see

the clothing designs are simple colorful elegant
and musical
lots of bells

eagle feather fans are apparent everywhere

smoke is in the air

i was there for 5 hours and it seemed little more than one
i was amazed when it was time to go
i felt like we should stay there all night if we have to
something tells me if i would have decided to just stay there
the people would've accepted me and shown hospitality

a quiet unspoken attitude of welcome pervaded the whole grounds
everything necessary was there

there is a strict no alcohol or drugs policy
but there were plenty of cigarettes
which gave added perfume to the summer air

i remember thinking as i watched the grass dancers
that these people have clung to and forged community
against the most unthinkable odds the greatest devastation
of a culture and way of life that i can think of

that they hold on at all and do it with pride and joy and certainty
is a way that i must think about community

the MC at the microphone announced dances and drummers
and cajoled the audience with the wittiest understated humour

my sense is that a lot of other important business gets worked out
at the pow wow

i carry this sense that christianity
to some extent must own the guilt
of not fully appreciating what is in the pow wow
i'm willing to own the stupidity within myself

i've been to pow wows before
only now have i sat there and looked with the
interest of really wanting to know what is going on

every community should be willing to dance in a circle

three way community conversation

it would appear to me today that some sort of elucidation about how community conversations take place take place....having just come from one

i sat with two monks at the coffee table in the coffee room and the conversation went from football to politics
first fr brian went on and on about peyton manning and his huge contract with the indiana colts i don't know what it is with football with this 91 yr old genius
after the other monk and myself weighed in negatively stating rather absurdist positions on the presence of football at all the conversation veered toward recent politics

i made a case or tried to
for all politics being understood as merely a job with no celebrity no perks
it should be understood as a service task with no money involved whatsoever
everyone who is elected has to make their own way -
even if that means borrowing money from lobbyists

this idea was roundly rejected
br paul stated that politics is a human game and you have to be with humanity you have to show your face.... that's the politics i like - he said
he said he's rubbed shoulders with amy klobuchar and mark dayton
he's even stood next to michelle bachman
then br paul offered an expletive which i will not hesitate
to type out for matters of clarity

he said

i think she's a shit

that's all he said about it
he didn't say anything else

brian was in a conversational mood he could have gone on
with this level of inanity all morning
but the both of us paul and i seemed to have the
natural inclination to get about the activities of the day
and leave brian to his worldly thoughts

kind of a pathetic scene as we walked away
although brian smiled hugely and waved generously

i'm drinking decaf coffee
and i had a piece of toast as we chatted

community carries with it the willingness to
enter into inane if seeming pertinant conversation
with people you can trust

politics is not foreign to community life
it's a social reality that knocks on the door daily

we also spoke briefly about the state fair tragedy
the collapse of a large bleacher section
in some state or another
none of us seemed to know in which state this happened
but we agreed that people died

my comment to all this was
just goes to show you
the american dream can be a dangerous thing

this was the portal to something else about the rich
and caring about the feelings of the rich

somehow i came around to the money as manure theme
and expounded upon my theory of spreading it around

paul and i agreed that money tends to move toward family concentrations
and sooner or later two or three families will be in charge
of all the money

i suggested that obama make a political decision to enter the race
for re-election and simply say to america i'm going to stay in
washington and do my job maybe do a 15 minute press conference every week
brian spoke of harry truman riding the train through america
i was appealing to the notion that basic common sense and a resistance to the hooplah
would go a long way in this country even heritage foundation republicans and independents might be impressed with such a radical decision
the republicans coud fight it out but the democrats could just sit back and laugh
and refuse to play
they could decide to not pay attention to the babble
and leave it all one sided babble and then see how it pans out in the elections
or at least obama could decide to not campaign
until after the party conventions

i think that's what obama should do
ride the train

i only publish this as a means of elucidating the
commonplace activities in community
i suppose there was more said
maybe quite a bit left unsaid
but that in general is the line of shared conversation
i entered into this morning

now

i'm going to go swimming

alone

waiting

it occurs to me that community requires patience
utmost patience
a sense of deliberate willingness to wait

in the past week i've become very aware
that community exists in a broad sense
in a vast expanding definition
the lines are breaking up continually

while playing guitar at holy mass last week
with about 200 catholic lay missionaries present
all of whom i did not know
it occured to me that we were yet part of a great community
together
and indeed i was in the minority
for none of these people know me
yet we deemed it right and just to partake in
the same body and blood of eucharist
and i felt they were anything but strangers

this past weekend i sojourned in
lanceister county PA
and i engaged in a dialogue
between mennonites and catholics
actually a multilogue
which ended in our mutual recognition that
despite our familiarity we are divided somehow
we cannot worship as one
there's something that says
we are not the same people when it comes to
eating at this particular table
and i must say
though i knew these people better than
the lay catholic missionaries
i felt further away from them
that though every gesture had been made
to become familiar and friendly
we were still left with this gulf of
strangerness
we were uncomfortably strange to one another
yet the ray of hope emerged
and said something about
there is a possibility if you imagine together
there is a way to become closer
there is a way to bridge the gulf of strangeness

it requires patience
it requires the willingness to share at table
the food of sustenance
like fruit and coffee and tea cupcakes
and pizza and date bars
those sorts of things

i only say this as a way of utilizing
my more immediate experiences and thoughts
in an effort to entertain the dialogue here
of some sort of community minded activity

sally brings up some good points
i hope people will chime in with her

i plan to revert back to her thoughts
and respond to them in kind soon

maybe community originates in the ability to
arrange for seemingly absurd possibilities
in a somewhat graceful manner

whoa

i have difficulty commenting on this postblog
it's like trying to drum on a log

creating community

is community created?
or found?

it appears that st benedict
set about creating community
rather deliberately

on the other hand
maybe that was just a response
to those guys who kept following him around
who wouldn't leave him alone
when he went off alone to pray

reading st benedict's rule lately
reignites my passion for christianity
at least a little
what is it about his words
that inspires me
to want to be good
to want to seek god?

i feel like i'm skating on two skis
i had a long glide
on the track of buddhism
for the past nine months or so
finding there some tools
to deal with life's disappointments
tools that were not easily accessible to me
in christianity
and an inkling of community
among like-minded spirits

but i never shook off
the ski of christianity from my other foot
am i ready now for a long glide on that ski
finding there an inspiriation
a personal call from the mystery behind it all?

am i called to work to build community
among the christians who are already in my life?
or rather to seek out other christians
with whom i might have more in common?

i think there is much in the rule of st benedict
that would appeal to my evangelical friends
would they join me in seeking inspiration there?
or would i be better off seeking out those
who already are drawn to the rule?

just some musings
on a saturday morning

thinking about starting
some sort of group in our home
benedict advises to begin
every good work with prayer

pray for me brothers and sisters